Seriously, green beans. Chill out.

What the flying figgity lawdamn cuss word?

Neglect your green beans for a few days of margaritas, a modicum of partying in the back with visiting friends…

and partying in the side…

…and maybe the other side, too…

The point is, leave your green beans on their own for just a little while and they will hide out in the shadows, multiply, get full of themselves,

AND BEGIN TO BELIEVE  THEY ARE ZUCCHINI!

Wiggle wiggle it.

Green beans. Don't be alarmed.

To put this into perspective, I have man hands.

 

Hand on the left = grown 6'5" man. Hand on the right= me. So don't mess.

Hand on the left = grown 6’5″ man. Hand on the right= me. So don’t mess.

So these beans, nearly as fat as my man fingers and twice as long, are not goofing around! These are some meaty beans. They got some junk in the trunk. They are, however, still delicious–surprisingly, not pithy or stringy at all. I’ll cut them up tonight with a batch of beets I harvested today, too.

wpid-20140731_111150.jpg

See? My hands are so big, I can’t keep them out of the picture.

In other news:

1. Screw it. You win this round, weeds.

She is of zero use pulling weeds.

She is of zero use pulling weeds.

2. Gladiolas wpid-20140731_111558.jpg

3. Bell pepperswpid-20140731_111533.jpg

4. Who knew squirrels would dig up your onions? And for no reason other than squirrels are assholes.

5. Speaking of assholes, Paris Hilton the Cat is gone. Her family has moved to West Virginia and now there is a poop-in-my-garden-box sized hole in my heart. Sure, she was a mean-spirited, filthy, spiteful, pink-collared, entitled, brat of a cat, but she was my Nemesis. I guess you could say: Paris Hilton, you completed me.

Once.

 

 

 

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Vegetables Not Lawns.

On my walk this evening, I snapped a few photos of other front yard vegetable gardens in my neighborhood. Our town, Athens, OH, is forward thinking and a group of concerned citizens petitioned the city to make made front-yard gardens (and chickens, but not in the front yard) code-legal within city limits. This isn’t the case for a lot of people trying to do some good for themselves and the world by growing food instead of grass.¬† It’s a shame, particularly as front-yard gardens can be beautiful as the following examples show us:

Vegetables and Perennials. Beautiful.

Vegetables and Perennials. Beautiful.

 

The "Flying Rabbit" Garden around the corner.

The “Flying Rabbit” Garden around the corner.

Lovely, right? Kale, tomatoes, all sorts of goodies...

Lovely, right? Kale, tomatoes, all sorts of goodies…

 

It’s silly, our obsession with front lawns. Particularly as they’re just a throwback to the English aristocracy we worked so hard to be free of. Grass lawns were, and are, pretty much useless–nothing more than a symbol of land-ownership and, thus, wealth (just like those fake designer jeans we all wore in Junior High). They’re a waste of water, a waste of energy, and need pesticides, poisons, and fertilizers to stay appropriately “Hey, look at me, I’m a wealthy Englisher, I am.” Worse, they’re a waste of space we could be using to grow healthy, fresh-off-the-vine fruits and vegetables. Also, front-yard gardens are lovely. They’re interesting, creative, and people–trust me–will stop to take a look.

One final bit of inspiration: .

https://i0.wp.com/www.offgridworld.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/foodscaping.jpg

This is a neighborhood in Geneva, Switzerland. Every home grows food instead of a lawn, often planning their crops in consultation with their neighbors so they can all share with each other. It’s called “Foodscaping.” Brilliant.